Adult children of alcoholics: how growing up in an alchoholic household impacts life as an adult.

An overinflated sense of responsibility: At a young age, ACOAs take on more than they should as far as shouldering the responsibilities of one or both parents. This continues throughout life as they work too long and too hard and consider everything that goes right or wrong to be their fault. Can be coupled with binges of excessive irresponsibility, where they act out the behavior of the addicted parent.

Denial of problems: ACOAs grew up in a world where problems are “swept under the rug” and reality is not faced. Having to pretend that “everything is all right” no matter what chaos or violence is going on at home forces the child to act “as if’. This carries on into adult life where problems, no matter how large, cannot be faced.

Co-Dependant “Savior” role: Many ACOAS seek out substance abusers as mates to “save” and look after, the way they did their parent. The example of marriage that they grew up with as a reference point leads them to carry on the dysfunction in their own lives.

Lying (or covering up) as habit: Many ACOAs were severely punished (often violently) for telling the truth, therefore they learn at an early age to give the appropriate response to avoid retaliation. As they have often had to cover for an absent (or passed out) parent, so manufacturing stories and excuses becomes second nature to survive.

Blurring of Personal Boundaries: Oftentimes, ACOAs do not recognize when their personal boundaries are being violated. Growing up eager to please and starved for real affection, as an adult they may become “easy targets” for people who will be all too happy to take advantage of their low self esteem and inability to say “no”.

Distorted Self-image: Many ACOAs believe the ridicule and criticism that they were subjected to into their adult life as fact. Any slights from others in adult life just serve to reinforce what they have always known, and they are slow to believe genuine praise and compliments.

Although these traits are common to some who have grown up in dysfunctional households, there are many support groups and therapists who address these concerns so that these adults can live with their past in a positive way. Many books are available to help guide those coming from these homes to “what’s normal”. Recognition and Awareness sometimes does not take place until the alcoholic parent has died, and the adult child explores this relationship without fear of recrimination. Today’s increased focus on the entire family in recovery is helping to assist these secondary sufferers of alcoholism in childhood, so that they grow up to be happier and healthier children of recovering alcoholics.